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I should have seen it coming. When it hits the fan all hell just breaks loose. Life is just full of little oxymoron, you know it’s gonna harm you but somehow, you just want to get closer to it, you thought that maybe… Just maybe, you could catch a glimpse on something you wanted to see, or something you don’t. If you saw something you wanted, you might be happy for the rest of your life, if you don’t, then you got screwed by your own head into thinking that the false reality you created in your head will come true… It’s that SIMPLE.

I felt I am being consumed by this darkness for awhile now, everything I see have this layer of grey to it, as such, even now during the Christmas month, I just couldn’t be in the mood, no matter how beautiful this month is, with Christmas carol playing every where on the streets in the malls, well not that I hate Christmas, it’s still my favourite time of the year, but I just couldn’t feel it. Is it that simple? or I just felt numb… Numb by the degree of pain and suffering I felt, numb by the amount of hurt inflicted upon me, I wonder. It was the right thing to do I guess during my friend’s coming of age party that night, to drink and be merry. Of course where there’s a party, there’s alcohol. Thinking that the degree of numbness might prevent me from getting drunk, I did cups after cups of whiskey. And of course, in the end, I got drunk. How foolish I am.

This time, things are a little bit different, I started to think of how shitty the past few months are for me and for the first time, I felt something, I felt the heat when the alcohol went down my throat, I felt the amount of smoke around the room, I felt every single thing and boy do I miss it. Then instead of drink and be merry, it became drown all your motherfucking sorrows in alcohol. Needless to say, when your drinking with a broken heart, sadness ensues, and then the tears. Yes, I cried. I cried like I never cried before in my whole life. There’s no shame in crying, even for a grown ass man. You just have to let it all out one way or another, for me it’s either punching everyone in the face or crying my ass off. I chose the latter. Afterwards was all a blur for me. I remembered I was carried into the private washroom and was interrogated by every single one of them. I don’t remember anything after that. But one thing was for sure, I sure as hell said a lot of things that was not suppose to be said. And neither of them was a lie. As much as I wanted to clarify it now, I chose not to, because I knew that some things are better keep it to yourself than disclosed it to anyone. I done the exact opposite of that. If I hurt anyone’s feeling that night, I’m sorry, I apologize. But I have no regrets.

 

Now you would think that why the hell would I wrote this out in my blog so that everyone (or the lack of) could read it and think of how much of a fool I am that night. Well, I just couldn’t care much, I felt like writing right now.

 

PS: This was suppose to be just one of the drafts that weren’t meant to be posted up. But what the hell right, my blog is just too dead right now. =P

I cook this…

Sorry peeps, been a very bad time for me these days, thus the previous emo posts.

So I have been cooking this few days for my family. The reason why? I don’t know, maybe I miss them a whole freaking lot when I am away in Kampar or maybe just wanted to get outta the chaos that have been brewing in my head for awhile. I need a break, that’s why I cook!

Flying Spaghetti Monster Monday

First dish on Monday was my awesome Spaghetti Bolognaise and salad with my family favourite Thousand Island Sauce.

I made the Bolognaise sauce with capsicum, tomatoes, ground pork, carrots, a can of pre-made spaghetti sauce which I don’t remember the brand, some cheese, onions and garlic. You have to add extra tomatoes to the sauce though, especially fresh ones, because the can one’s isn’t that enough, so a little extra acidity on the sauce makes a lot of difference! AND cheese, I used grated Parmesan which gives the sauce a bit of thickening and that added dairy flavour to it, giving the sauce some extra touch! (Whadaya know? a lil time away from your family makes me a spaghetti expert now! =D Nah, just joking.)

The picture don’t do justice to it though, but the taste I can assure you, it tastes Italiano~ Well for the garden salad, it’s just Buttercup greens, carrots, onions and tomatoes, nothing special.

Bacons and Tuesdays

Yeap! It’s officially bacons and Tuesdays, declared by me! So we shall all have bacons that day. Too bad for some other people who don’t take porku! They missing out a lot!

Without further ado, my breakfast for dinner! Why breakfast for dinner? Just because I can!

<3 eggs

Don’t ask me how I made it. My mind was somewhere else, so it just came out heart shape-ish after cracking them into the wok.

In case you’re wondering what those little flakes are. Those are Italian herbs, where you can find them in any good hypermarkets. I use Masterfoods.

Yep that concludes what I had for dinner for the past two days. And for dinner tonight, instant noodles with sausages. Cause I had banana leaf rice with mervtheperv and WaiKin. Chao-ao-side modafucka!

PS: You gotta vote for this girl! Anyone seeing this now. She might be appearing in future FHM’s girl next door or something! Make this her stepping stone! So in the future you can brag to your half drunken mates in the bar that YOU helped bringing her to fame! So Type MODV (space) MEL to 36660 NOW!

More details click here.

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I felt I am losing a lot of things lately. It’s a pretty fuck up feeling I can tell you that. It’s like you know it’s happening and you’re doing everything just to stop it, but somehow, it isn’t working.

The feeling of losing something sucks. Especially your best friends. Friends you know you can count on every time you fall, friends you know, you can tell them everything, friends you can always hangout with, friends you can do all your embarrassing stuffs in front of them and will not think that your a nutcase sohai. Friends you can rely on when you’re on your edge. Friends you can talk to till 4 in the morning and is still eager to go on. Friends who can borrow you their shoulder when you fuck up something. Friends…

Man, I don’t know bout you guys, but everything we did, meant fucking a lot to me alright. I don’t care if I sound like a lil bitch yapping bout now. I just want things to be back to what it used to be dammit. I felt remorse now. I’ve learnt my lesson. I really want to patch things up to what it used to be. I want to right my wrongs. I’m making an effort but I don’t know if its working. It’s up to you guys to tell me now.

credits to stickgal

PS: You know who you are.

Holla me if you care.

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“She might be special, but she is not the one who thinks that you are the only guy who will treat her the best on earth.”

 

 

Somebody told me this before, now I finally understands what it means. You are really someone special to me.

Hooked…

Dear blog, been neglecting you for awhile again… Thanks to my lack of inspirations again lah… =D Sibeh no mood to blog these days kay…

SO, here’s a quick post during my very unmotivated-to-study mood sem finals. Actually its just to tell everyone that my blog ain’t really dead, yet… Hehe…

Music played a very large role in my daily life, from the moment I woke up till the moment I slept off, there will always be songs coming out from my modest 3 year old Altec Lansing 5.1 speakers. This is some of the shit I’ve added to my playlist now.

Boys Like Girls – Love Drunk, Contagious, T wo Is Better Than One.

 Khalil Fong (方大同) – Remember, Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You, Red Bean.

*It is a cover of other Chinese and Western songs everyone knew and fell in love with. Sounds even better on a rainy day, with a hot cup of tea and a book.

Colbie Caillat  - Fallin’ For You

David Guetta – Sexy Bitch, One The Dance Floor, I Wanna Go Crazy

KISS – Strutter, Deuce, Detroit Rock City

Danzig – Mother

*Bunch of mad motherfucking metal rockers from the late 80’s. Awesome shit!  

Thriving Ivory – Angels On The Moon

 

Girls Generation (SNSD) – Gee, Etude, Genie

*What do you get when you mix nine young, talented and extremely yummy Korean girls together? Why, of course, a winning formula! Youtube them if you don’t believe me.

Olivia Ong

*Get all of her albums if you like nice slow sentimental songs. Her voice it self is just perfect to soothe the soul. Her cover of various oldies are just the best I’ve ever heard, plus, she sings Japanese songs as well. Sweet!

That’s all peeps.

See ya.

Yasmin Ahmad 1958 - 2009

It was in the evening while I was driving back from Penang when I heard the announcement on the radio, that Yasmin Ahmad, the director that brought us all those interesting TV commercial during the festive season had suffered a stroke and past away.

For that moment, I was reminded of this commercial about a boy expressing his love for this girl in the commercial (which actually, I found out later that day that it was the other way round, oops).

Besides that, she was also a great story teller and director by producing films that won awards all over the world. Though the only movie I have manage to watch produced by her was Sepet. I don’t quite remember what the film is about anymore, but I reckon it was one of the best, why? Because it actually caught my mother’s attention after she read the reviews and she waited till the original DVD is out so she could watch it at home. Mind you, to catch my mom’s attention on a movie and making her forked out extra to buy the original DVD, and not from the local ahbeng DVD seller is really really impressive.

Most story written by the late Yasmin Ahmad is all about a slice-of-life of the local Malaysian people. Every time I see her advertisement on the TV, this feeling of nostalgic and familiarity will come out within. In my mind will be thinking “Damn, that is just SO MALAYSIAN!” you just felt you can relate to this. She have this ability to capture small little things that we always took for granted and amplify in her short commercials. Just brilliant.

Here’s a short clip of what I’m talking about earlier.

You will be dearly miss by every single Malaysian out there.

Sleepless Nights

IT is always nights like these that will make me think a lot. I think about all kinds of stuffs, some good, some bad, mostly bad stuffs though these days… The good stuffs seem to be running dry in my life right now. Ain’t complaining, since I have my fair share of ups and downs like every single Dick, Jane and Joe out there. Just that this time, it seemed to last a wee bit longer than usual… I guess I will pull through it as usual, I’ve always pull through all this kinda stuffs, time will help me heal the wounds inflicted upon me. Slowly, but surely.

Well this post is a bit special due to the reason that I have never fired up my Windows Live Writer to start blogging before during sleepless nights like this. I guess, everyone have their firsts.

Besides that, this post is special because this is my first post to my blog ever since I have moved to Kampar.

A lot have happened lately. One of the most prominent and heartbreaking one that left a great deal of sorrow and a gap within the hearts of me and my housemates is the passing of Zero, our pet puppy. At this point of time, I don’t know if I should continue writing this, as the pain of digging our boy Zero here, a grave have inflicted some great deal of shocked and despair within me. Never have I picture myself digging someone a grave. I promised myself, this would be the first and the last time I am going to dig someone a grave.

The pain of losing something so dear and meaningful to anyone is just so great that no living thing should be force to go through it. And yet, it is happening right in front of my eyes, and I can’t do anything to stop it.

Despite the lack of expression when I saw Zero’s lifeless body, so blissfully lying on his favourite blanket in my friend’s room, while my friend weeping away, literally crying her eyes out. The ordeal is just so great for that split second that I felt some kind of numbness, so much that, I don’t really know what kind of expression should I give. It just hits you like a train. After much later, when I was digging the grave, I saw the face of my two housemates, with tears flowing down their cheeks uncontrollably under the vain light far away from them, that I told my self that I must be the stronger one among them, for I am the only guy in the house and I believe that I have the strength to help them carry the emotional baggage that is inflicted upon them. I know that I am no saint, but to get you guys through this painful times, I am available all the time for you guys to dump your baggage on me.

 

To my housemates,

I know it’s difficult now, having to lose something so dear to you in this short period of time. But no matter what life throws to you, you have to face it and accept the fact that it is no longer there anymore. Use your courage to help yourself. Give yourself a short while to be sad and then pick yourself up and continue walking. You know that they will be up in heaven watching you and giving you their blessings. Whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Be strong girls…

 

And rest in peace Zero… We’ll miss you.